Struggling with 200

I have been doing this more than a year now and I know every tip and trick in the book, out of the book, on all the social websites, youtube etc.  I have had every success and every failure that you could imagine which as I type this I realize it all just means that I am human.  I guess I am really too hard on myself and I let failures get the best of me at times which lead to even more failures if you let them get to you.

I came to the point in my diet where I had lost over 100 pounds and was about to cross that threshold I thought was never to be seen again.  I was at an all time low of 203 and looking wonderful in comparison to where I had come from at 310.  I took some time off to celebrate and felt like I could participate in the same social activities all my peers were participating in when we made a fun HCG trip to Vegas.

Now that I look back and reflect I can see that I tend to do that often.  I will do the same thing that others do thinking it is safe for them so it must be for me.  I don't think that everyone is affected the way I am though because after a few strawberry daiquiris and a couple trips to the buffet I easily put on 20 pounds in a very short period of time.  I spent my next round taking off almost all of it getting down to 211 and then came my break which came on Halloween and we just happened to have a huge party where I blew it.  It took me a couple months to slowly put back on a few more pounds til I was ultimately 231 so before I gained another pound I went back on HCG.

Not sure if you could imagine how discouraged I could possibly be right now but, this is really hard this time, taking it off yet AGAIN.  It has to be done.  I have to be strong and I have to face this and admit  my failures to myself as well as the successes to move forward and make it to my ultimate skinny goal.  Writing this feels like therapy to me and in a way I can feel a sense of relief and that I will soon be through this and on to some new weight loss.

I found myself questioning whether or not I could do it.  I have been scared and unsure about what I am doing these last couple  rounds.  I also did not do these last couple P3 breaks as I have the previous ones.  These last two I did not exercise at all.  Much of that had to do with the fact that summers in Arizona are completely brutal and I am so fair that I do not go outside unless there is a body of water involved.  I promise myself that my next break will be like all those prior to these last two and that I will not test the 3 week break/theory and I will remain strictly no sugar and no starch for a minimum of 3 weeks.  It works I know it does.  I have dont it and I am going to do it again.

Today I am down to 226. something and I plan on doing all the things that have made me most successful in the past on P2.  Yesterday I had hcg tacos for both lunch and dinner which resulted in a 4 pound weight loss this a.m.  Today I had steak fajitas with sauteed onions and peppers.  Also had my strawberry lemon drink and tonight I will repeat that.  I can always count on the fajitas to really be satisfying and to also provide a nice result in the morning.

One day at a time I am going to do this.  I love what HCG has done for me and how it has changed my life.  All I have to do is let it do its job and just not interfere.  I havent been hungry but, I have been eating due to an increased amount of stress the last couple months.  Food has been my coping mechanism for everything and I had found alternatives which helped me to lose more than 100 pounds but, I let myself slip a little and luckily I was able to catcht it this time before it got way out of hand.